Brushes my shoulder,beats my heart: Looking back on the past..Time warps

You live you learn
You love you learn
You cry you learn
You lose you learn
You bleed you learn
You scream you learn

- Alanis

Time changes every second... every.single.second. It's insane to me that looking back I was sooo different. I can't help but give credit to the experience of growing up in a small town. Drama starts in circles and spins outta control from there. We "date" ppl we know,you don't know anything else to do, you end up dating friends...every time.. and in a small town "they" are all friends,,, so in turn you end up dating a circle .. a dramatic one at that. First off "dating" Jr. high doesn't count but that's totally what it's called. Insane,where were we going? A friends house? One where you'll run in to the "Ex" or "Exs" haha hilarious, my future kids aren't "dating" till they are 18 I swear!

One teaches you then someone teaches them and so on and so on- we learn,even when we don't realize it

Sometimes I wonder if I went into situations knowing they weren't supposed to 'be' and did them out of comfort? I can't help but feel that way about Justin. You see I dated this fella almost 5 years! why? We were best as just friends... I like to think of this as my final yet first real experience with real "dating" I was 18..my sister had just passed away at 22 and I was lost and he ended up knowing her,, was I just some how connected to him because of this?.. then it spiraled into something else? things happened and I should have gotten out, but I didn't... I feel as if I was passing time with a friend instead of being alone and open to destruction of the "dating" world yet I was being broken down the entire time. I didn't win, even though I was fighting the entire time. I was fighting to be chosen. to win. I was losing myself in the fight.

When I finally woke up before hating him beyond control ( which others think I should have hated him immediately) ......

I found my soul.. MY JOSH

not that I need a person to complete me.. I live in moments.. apparently...but this is my lifetime.

I knew him the entire time.. ironic!? yet,all I knew was "friends don't work as relationships" ..I took the leap anyway..and for once it was the best thing I've ever done..I've never been happier.

My "dating" life was short and sweet and I THANK GOD...I'm not built to jump around, I'm a solid soul one meant for love and family.. not tainted circles of pain and confusion.

See with Josh things didn't go well for him either,,we've loved each other for so long yet never voiced it unless we "we're joking" or in our minds. We have both learned that we were insane for not jumping on our love boat sooner:) and we let "friends" get in the way of us. We wanted to save the drama and almost didn't make the best decisions of our lives based on what we others would say or think... we took the plunge,and I'm not looking back.

"as friends ,always there for me.."

"just friends"

You see I said something up there^ a little confusing "insane for not jumping on our love boat sooner" ...yet "sooner",isn't what this is about...

it was perfect timing and that's something I'll always believe. Something I know is the truth, no confusion,no second guessing, JOSH AND HAPPENED WHEN WE WERE SUPPOSED TO. We are on our own watch, we do things when we do them..we for once have the best timing.